People often ask me how married life is. I never know what to say. We are in a dynamic relationship, one that both stretches us and sandpapers our rough edges! We have a strong polarity of masculine/feminine energies. This makes for amazing chemistry and also challenges where we would like the other to “understand” more of our language. The dance of man and woman is often about the polar opposites of masculine and feminine coming together. We all have these opposites within us, mostly men are more masculine, and women are more feminine however some men are more feminine and some women are more masculine, and sometimes we are pretty balanced inside.
The feminine qualities are the aspects of receptivity and stillness, being able to return Home to nourish ourselves. It is about being able to listen and respond to Life, focusing more on the Relational and Being aspect of Life. Masculine qualities are dynamic outer focused, having a goal and achieving it. It is more Doing oriented and purpose driven.
Both these qualities are needed in order to live a wholesome balanced life. In relationship, we need the qualities of both to create Eros, the chemistry that unites man and woman. However we get into trouble when we don’t understand or speak the other one’s language. My husband gets impatient with me when I am asking him to slow down and be present with me or to listen to me in a certain way. I get irritated with him when I sense him becoming totally task oriented, focused only on the goal of where he is going and what he needs to accomplish.
If I can be present to the irritation that arises in me rather than reacting to it, I can see that this is an area that I need to grow, to stretch into not only accepting his way but also seeing that I can learn something from him. If I am not busy trying to make him into my best girlfriend, able to listen and respond to me in the way I would like, but has a very different M.O and that’s fine! If I stubbornly hold onto my way being the right way, forgetting that he as a man has a very different way, then I lose the connection with myself, and also with him.
When I am present to the very different languages we speak, I can appreciate our unique orientations, and I can learn from his masculine strengths, not only seeing this as a gift but also strengthen those qualities in myself, and become more fluid in the relationship, able to dance with the masculine/feminine qualities within myself and also within the relationship.
Whether you are in relationship or not, try spending this week on appreciating the very different ways that men and women do Life, depending on their masculine or feminine qualities. Instead of being judgmental or wishing “they” would change, try just appreciating and accepting them as they are and see how they light up and the relationship lightens up!!
